walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
