sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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