take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
