and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
