I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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