Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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