??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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