My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
