I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
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thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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