i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
