In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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