he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
