i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
