I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
