I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
