My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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