I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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