I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
