and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
