You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
