your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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