Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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