Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize