We named our party play list daddy issues
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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