the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
