you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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