I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish you could order shots online.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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