Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
