there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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