one two three fourrrrnication!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
