It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
