Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
