Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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