So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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