he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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