he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
