I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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