he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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