That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
