This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
please come you make the beer taste better
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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