im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it's like heaven, but drunker
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
