y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
