I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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