just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.