What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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