Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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