For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...