I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
