she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just want to make out with him forever
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
