the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
