that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
