I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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