I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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