Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
