I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
