I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize