At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
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