ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
