I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
