Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
