You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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