The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
