You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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