if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
