How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
