I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
