Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
