you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.