how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
