I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm passing your future prison.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.