every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
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I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.