I just pynch a tree in the face
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it's like iHOP with fire
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
