I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
