New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And then my night got REAL pukey
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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