imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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