i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
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I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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