Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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