I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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