I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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