How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
