At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
