just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
