How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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