Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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