Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Randomize
