why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
