How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm at about main and main street
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
