btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
