i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
